I just want to draw; block out the world; write paragraphs criticizing society, films, books, education, etc. I want to write, comment, have an opinion that won’t be judged or graded; I want to work on my own initiative, kill deadlines, and let myself feel like I’m in control of my own life. I want to experience the difference not read about it or be told how to do it or…...
Ridiculous, reckless, rebellious
if not my life, then my hair should be.
My tragic flaw is an addictive memory.
Oh, hi, you're cute.
There’s hope and so much yet to come…
You will never face this situation again. There’s the water out in front of you, waves folding into each other, sea shells disappearing under the foam and sinking into the sand, and there’s peace in the air. Time has frozen, your heartbeat is slow, your mind is observing the detail. There are no boats, no lifeguards, just people. Some are walking their own direction, some are testing...
because being sad…well, that’s just wasting my time. I can’t focus on that. I’m happy with being happy, the idea of it. Even when I’m not, happiness still exists, it just may not be the right kind of happiness I’m searching for. I don’t think the same happiness can repeat itself and trying the find the same happiness again is like stepping into the same...
Out of my mind
Where did the past couple hours go? One moment, I’m thinking about college, the next I’m mindlessly clicking “next” on my online flashcards. Then, I’m somehow back on tumblr. Then I carry on a long discussion about college with family members. And well, I just cannot think clearly. What am I doing? Can tomorrow end and lunch start? Or maybe Friday can fast forward...
Lack of control
This is what most of my life has been: all me, yet no control. I let things happen, I sat back, I tried to make everyone happy. My control was in the wrong direction. I lacked control over understanding what makes me happy. Yes, it sounds a bit narcissistic but it’s what’s holding me back. I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of gaining control. I remember the feeling of...
… I’m just oddly chill.